Two for one

*Not animal related* :)

While I am on here, I am thinking about moving. Where? I don't know. So, many places. I have several states to choose from... :)

I am single and I really like it. I can do whatever I want, whenever I want and I love it! Looking back, I feel like I was held back. M was a home body and at the time, it was OK. I loved being with just him. It was all I needed because I loved him and he made my life great by loving me back. I have realized that I lived my life for him and he was (obviously) fine with it. *I know he may have given up a lot for me, too. I don't want this to seem like I never did anything wrong. Two way street. Trust me.*

Anyway, I didn't realize what I gave up, until now. I love playing sports, being outdoors, hanging out with my friends and just LIVING! I am no party animal, really. It may seem like it, but I am really not. I like staying home and reading a book and snuggling next to my furbabies, but I love to be outside. I love camping, riding my bike, walking the dogs, running (really short distances), lounging at the pool, hiking, fishing and just being alive. I love to spend time with my family, my friends, drinking a few beers or a bottle of wine and being goofy. I do love a great party and dancing it up once in awhile.

I love taking mini-vacations. In fact, I am planning more road trips with some friends this summer.

Now, back to moving. I don't think I will be ready for another couple of years. Bella just turned 8 and I don't know how much time I have with her. She is a large breed dog and they don't live as long. It could be 2 years or (with any luck) 5 years. I also still share custody of my Austin. I am not sure how long we can continue this, but right now, it's working. Austin seems to be happy. :)

I could move to Texas, Colorado, North or South Carolina, back to Florida or anywhere! I am feeling a little trapped here. I love my family (oh, how I love them!) and I love my friends, but I am just not fulfilled. I don't know if a move would make that happen. I don't know what would, to be honest. I am working on what I can to better myself. My budget is a work in progress, but whatever. It's not impossible.

This year is the year of the Tiger. My nickname? Tigers. My favorite animal? Tiger. Hello? It's a sign!

I have goals this year. I am going to go to more concerts (budget permitting), take small, cheap roadtrips with my friends, spend more time with my friends, read more, learn spanish (HA!) and focus on me! I do love myself. :) I am even going on my first vacation in THREE years! It's a small one and with my family, but it's a vacation! I have gift cards for massages, manicures and pedicures and I fully intend to use them. I am walking daily with Charlie and when I do that, I have my music and I can just focus on myself. I reflect on my day, my life and my future.

I just feel so alive this year. I don't know what the change was and I do, in fact, still have my down days, but I just want to be happy. Everyone has the choice. You can be happy and smile when you get those lemons or you can be downright pissy and not only ruin your day, but those around you. I know those people. SUCK IT UP, BUTTERCUP!

I have a life to live and a life to enjoy. Things didn't work out for me like I planned, but it's those mistakes that made me truly appreciate the second chance I have.

Another sign? The Soup Dragons just came on the radio station. The song? I'm free!

Let's catch up for lost time, shall we?

First off, this blog is pretty lame. Second, I don't care. Third, um.. well, I got a new puppy.

Actually, my parents were driving down this street and saw this adorable pup dodging cars and people. He saw my Dad and sat and waited for him. Hello?? How do you turn him away? Just look at him-

Well, it turns out that he has bonded with me. He follows me everywhere and I love it! He has so much energy, so we go on walks everyday and I hope that one day he will run with me. He is really sweet, but kind of annoying. He IS a puppy. Anyway, if you are keeping track, I now have three dogs and two cats. :) I can't wait to take him to the dog parks! He will have so much fun!

If you want to date me, you really have to love animals! I do not plan on getting anymore dogs or cats. I do want another guinea pig, but I am holding off on that.....for now.

Anyway, Charlie is the new pups name. I now have A, B and C. My parents do have a point that once I move, I can't take Bella. No apartment will allow a Rottweiler (SO STUPID), but many will take a large dog. I am thinking that Charlie was just a large puppy. When we found him, he still had puppy teeth and he weighed about 45lbs. It is about a month later and he is around 50. I don't think he will get any larger than 60. Which is fine with me! I have my large dog, 95lbs and my small dog, 11.5lbs and now my medium dog.

I feel so blessed to have these wonderful creatures in my life. They all love me and guard me to the best of their abilities. When I go to the bathroom, Austin is in with me, while Bella and Charlie are standing guard outside the door. It's silly, but I love them for it. If I am alone in the car and not paying attention to the world around me, they never hesitate to let me know "danger" could be approaching. Bella will stand over me and guard me with her life. She has done that since day one. I really lucked out with her. She was free, too. Best.dog.ever.

Anyway, Charlie has really helped me to be more active. If I don't walk him, he goes crazy! He needs that workout. I always wanted a black lab and now I have one for free. Well, a shepherd/lab mix. I am also happy to report that I am down 4lbs. :)

Also, I keep seeing Rhaja. I feel like it's her way of telling me that she still looks after me. I woke up in the middle of the night a few months ago and I could SWEAR she was on my desk sitting there just staring at me like she used to. I woke up real fast and said, "RHAJA?", then I turned on the light and gone. I sat there and cried.
Then two days ago, I went to my dark bedroom and saw her on my bed, turned on my light and it was a pair of pants. I know, I know....I am weird. I don't care. Bella and Rhaja are/were very special to me. Rhaja because she got me through the hardest times of my life. She got me through high school, she got me through a bad break-up with a jerk of a boyfriend, she got me through the break of my high school sweetheart and first love, my move out of the house, my move to florida, my move back, my separation and well, she was just there for me. She was the best cat I could have ever had. She sat and cuddled with me when I would cry and cry. Her love never stopped.

I always refer to Bella as my Angel. She is my strong, dependable, devoted dog. She guards me, cuddles with me and even when I was gone for three years, her devotion to me never changed. She knows I am her master and would do anything for me. She was my strength when my marriage was failing. She never left my side. I am just upset that I lost three years with her.

Well, hindsight is 20/20 and since I don't have a time machine, I can't change anything.