One week and one day

I am still devastated.  I miss her.  It's hard to come home and know that she isn't there to greet me.  I can still hear her bark at Charlie and Austin for being annoying.  I know she is better.  I know she is OK, but I'm not.  I get a little better every day, but I still have moments. 

I run now.  I run to help heal the pain and hurt i am feeling.  I run to clear my mind and to get some me time.  I take Charlie and he likes it.  It's exercise for both of us and let's face it, I need it.   He has still been pretty good. 

Someday, this will get easier.

Beautiful words for my beautiful girl

"He is my other eyes that can see above the clouds; my other ears that hear above the winds. He is the part of me that can reach out into the sea. He has told me a thousand times over that I am his reason for being; by the way he rests against my leg; by the way he thumps his tail at my smallest smile; by the way he shows his hurt when I leave without taking him. (I think it makes him sick with worry when he is not along to care for me.) When I am wrong, he is delighted to forgive. When I am angry, he clowns to make me smile. When I am happy, he is joy unbounded. When I am a fool, he ignores it. When I succeed, he brags. Without him, I am only another man. With him, I am all-powerful. He is loyalty itself. He has taught me the meaning of devotion. With him, I know a secret comfort and a private peace. He has brought me understanding where before I was ignorant. His head on my knee can heal my human hurts. His presence by my side is protection against my fears of dark and unknown things. He has promised to wait for me... whenever... wherever - in case I need him. And I expect I will - as I always have. He is just my dog."
(Gene Hill)

The few days before Bella's goodbye, I noticed she laid in front of Charlie's crate with her head next to his.  I wonder if she was passing on her wisdom.  If she was, it hasn't worked. :) I will say that Charlie was as good as gold that Sunday.  Didn't leave my side, didn't bother the cats or my parents dog, didn't bark like usual.  Dogs are definitely tuned in to us.  He earned himself a few trips to the dog park and oodles of treats. 

Oh, Bella.  You changed my world and showed me true devotion and love.  You have truly set the standards for a perfect dog.  Charlie, my lovely boy, you have some mighty big shoes to fill.

I received her ashes back today. My work surprised me and had a pawprint made for me. I was upset because we didn't have any at work and I didn't think about it.  I have one for Pita and Rhaja, so having one for Bella makes me happy.  I would much rather have her.... But, I know she is better.  I guess my Guardian Angel needed a guardian. 

She's gone

I had to say goodbye to my best girl yesterday.  I miss her.  I miss her a lot.  The 10th is not becoming a good day for me.

I know

I know that the end is near, but I don't know when I will be ready.  She is having good days and she is having bad days.  I was gone for a few days and now that I am home?  She is good.  My Dad said she was good while I was gone.

Bella has been every bit the family dog.  While she was true to me, she was protective, watchful and loving to everyone.  This is going to tear out a piece of my heart.