A month

A full month has passed and I'm still here.  I didn't die from crying and I can breathe without my girl.   It still sucks, though.

Anyway- Today is Charlie's first birthday!!  My boy is doing great!  We go running at least three times a week and he is doing so much better! I owe much of that to the pinch collar he got for his early b-day present.  He is so smart and just wants to learn, so I love that.  However, he does some really dumb stuff once in a while. 

I'm really at a loss today.  I want to talk about Charlie and how proud I am of him.  I want to talk about the golden puppy I am taking care of and my cats, but eh... Maybe later.

Being on here just reminds me of all the pets I have lost.  I think I just need more time.  I'm not a pathetically depressed person or anything.  I just lost two of the most important pets of my life within a year and while I love all the ones I currently have, we don't have that some bond, yet.  Don't misunderstand me.  I would be devastated if I lost any of them.  Just devastated.. I just..I don't know. 15 years with a cat and bond with a dog that I have never had  before...it's just different. I know that I will someday reach that point with these kiddo's...Maybe not Mogie.  Just kidding.  :) I love that naughty little cat, too.

Happy birthday Charlie!!  I love you! 

Bella, I can't believe it's been a month.  One month and one day.  I can still hear you.  I just haven't dreamt of you yet and I hope that you are OK.  I always have a dream of my babies once they pass. I saw Rhaja multiple times and I always just meant that they were OK.  Maybe Bella is too busy with Pita or Rhaja. 

One more for Pita

Dear Pita,

 I missed you today, poopers.  I was going through the collection of dog clothes and I came across your purple argyle sweater.  You were so cute in it. Oh my little stinker!!  I miss your cute little face and stubby legs!! Thank you so much for allowing me to fall in love with such a wonderful breed and I thank your Daddy for picking you out! I know that you have shown Bella all around and now she is back to taking care of you and looking after you.

I ask one favor of you, please don't take anymore of my babies for a long time.  You, Bella and Rhaja are all together, so please enjoy that time for years and years. 

Love and kisses,
Momma

Leadership fail

Apparently, Bella passed along the "CHASE KC" trait to Charlie.  That whole time I thought she must have been passing on her wise ways.  Nope.  He instead stares at one of my cats and then chases her under the bed....just like Bella.

Charlie and I are still running.  We are currently on week six of the Couch to 5k and are doing very well. I didn't take him on Tuesday and I am not taking him with me on Thursday.  Running without him is very weird.  He and I were very attached the weeks after Bella's death and it's like running without an arm. Possible, but feels weird.

Running has been great for me mentally and I think I am finally starting to sleep better!  I have not slept well in over two years, pretty much since M and I separated.  I had to start sleeping alone for the first time in 5 years or so and that was just weird.  Plus, I'm a pretty light sleeper and the pets would wake me up a lot.  It's a different bed, different room, different spot on the bed.  I now sleep in the middle or the left side.  Depends on the dogs.  I am ready to get my new bed and a new place.  A new place all to myself!

I'm currently hunting for a new apartment, but I don't know where to live.  Close to my family or close to work??  I think that by having my own space, I will be even better mentally.  I am so crowded with my currently living situation that I feel trapped and stressed out.  I don't need more stress. Work does that enough for me.