I am getting really depressed. Bella needed to be hand fed tonight. That isn't good. I want to talk to someone about her, but then again, I don't. My Dad thinks he knows everything about her. My Mom can't hear half of what I am trying to say and I don't want to bother my friends. I know that is what friends are for, but they are all busy. They have kids and jobs and I don't want to bother them all by crying. I wish I could talk to M, but I can't do that either. I just want to cry, cry and then cry some more. I am not this strong person. I might claim to be one, but I'm not. I just want to lay on the floor, hold Bella and cry. She has been so good to me.
Oh my...what I am supposed to do? When will I have to say goodbye? What if I make it too soon? What if I wait too long? Will she tell me? Will God tell me? Is she telling me now?
Is this what we all go through? No wonder some people wait so long to euthanize their pets. It seems so obvious to us, but they don't want to say goodbye. She isn't going to the bathroom on herself. She is getting up and moving around, but whatever.
Bella- We were supposed to have more time together. You were supposed to teach Charlie your wise ways! He was supposed to learn from the best dog ever. Duh.
I am going to take her to work with me tomorrow and have the vet look at her. I will then report back to my family. Should we have to make a decision, this weekend will not be a good one. I am going to a memorial for my Great Aunt and I refuse to be that sad. I am already sad over my Aunt Imy and I can't deal with Bella at the same time. Selfish, but I don't care. I will also ask for the vet to do this before or after office hours and I want to be off the next day. I want my whole family to attend and be with her.
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